She

is my pillar of strength.

She is the first person I think of every morning.

She is my source of motivation.

She is my best advisor who (strangely) always has the best solutions (that works for me).

She is my trusted decision-making partner whenever I am in doubt.

She is the one I run into whenever I need a shoulder to cry on.

She is my cheerleader.

She is my dietitian who always reminds me to eat healthily.

She is my confidant.

She is my private stylist to whom I asked most of my what-to-wear-to-an-event matters.

She is my best friend.

She is the first person I remember when something good happen.

She is my answer to the question how-to-be-a-tough-woman.

She is my inspiration.

She is my everything.

She is Mom.

Museum Ullen Sentalu

Mom and I during our night strolls by motorbike.

Mom's last day.

It's been a week since Mom left town, so it means I've been on my holiday for two weeks now. I am enjoying every bits of it before my neurology rotation start next month. The day after Mom left, I went to Jogja Bay and it's very good! I was kinda amazed by the fact that this (known as traditional) town has such a great place! The last water park I visited was Sunway Lagoon and believe it or not, Jogja Bay has pretty much the same adrenaline-pumping rides in it. What's even better is the ticket fee is not very pricey, or at least, I can guarantee it's worth the fun. Hehe. I also start to crochet again and one project is in the making. I hope I can finish it on time.  

That's all for today.

'Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die, so, let us all be thankful.' - Buddha

Signing off,

Stevanie

Stodgy

Hello. It's me again. 

Last Sunday of November. I haven't really been very productive this whole month. I don't know why, but nowadays I get bored so easily. I tried studying just to end up watching music videos in YouTube 10 minutes later. If not, I'd just find any random K-dramas to watch. Ophthalmology is an interesting subject, so what on earth is happening to me?

I woke up at 6 this morning. For the previous 4 hours, all I did was scrolling through my Facebook homepage, watching YouTube, browsing random things, or reading whatever articles that caught my attention. And now instead of trying to read my books, I am typing this post. See? Something is definitely wrong with me, right?

This whole week, I had my rotation in RSUD Wates. It is about 37 km away from where I lived and somehow I managed to go there by my motorbike. Alone. The furthest I've ever gone with my motorbike was RSUD Muntilan, but it was always with friends. So, that was a whole new experience for me to ride 70 km/day. Although my body'd ache here and there every time I reached home, I am still glad for the (personal) 'achievement'! Haha.

I am going to have an exam this Friday, but my brain is still at its emptiest state. I better buckle up, yes? I hope by thinking that 'holiday is coming very soon' can motivate me enough. So.. see ya around!

Me after attending a senior's wedding ceremony last night. Was bored. Then, they happened! 

'塞翁失马，焉知非福 - When the old man from the frontier lost his horse, how could one have known that it would not be fortuitous?'


Signing off,




Stevanie

Twenty two

+ 1 day. For two days in a row,  most of my calories intake came from birthday cakes. I feel extremely guilty, but I'll excuse myself because it's only once a year. No?

Hold on. Before I start typing too much, I'd like to clarify that I actually knew Olly Murs already from the song Up, which he sings with Demi Lovato. I just realized it is the same person when YouTube randomly played that song. Well, it's nothing....  just wanted to show you guys that I am not that outdated! Haha.

Okay. So. Twenty two.

I've been spending at least five years of my life in Yogyakarta. I realize it's not a short time, but somehow I still feel like I am the same little spoiled girl that has just arrived here and started my university life. I mean, I am supposed to be wiser and more mature overtime, right?

Some things stay the same. For instance: I still text Dad and Mom every single day to tell them everything that's going on. I still live in the same boarding house (because it's too troublesome for me to move here and there). I still find it hard to deal with homesickness. I still feel sleepy if I don't get to take a nap sometimes. I still put some post-its with motivational quotes on my wall to cheer me up. And etc.

Nevertheless, a lot of changes also happened in the past year, especially in the last 2 - 3 months. The ups-and-downs moments were all inevitable. One thing for sure is that, right now, I feel much more grateful for life.

Here are some to-do list that I made for myself yesterday. I wrote it in a paper and it's now hanging on the wall:

22nd year. To-do List:

1. Remember to always greet Dad&Mom good morning/night and say I love them every day.

2. Remember to always appreciate my friends, esp. those who were there when I was in my worst days.

3. Study hard. Stop procrastinating. 

4. Be a useful person. Dedicate yourself.

5. Live a healthy life. Stop eating junk foods way too often. (FOR REAL, S!) Exercise regularly.

....

Those are pretty much some important (but silly) stuffs I wish I could do for the rest of the year. Fingers crossed?

Some latest pictures:

With Anin, my 'gemeli' throughout the clinical rotation

We were choosing our best group photos

Recent group mates

With Bella's homemade chocolate lava cupcakes!

With Lydia. And that typical pose again.

Scorpion Queens.

Finally.  Me. Making some wishes. Weirdly.

'In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it.'

Signing off,

Stevanie.

A matter of time

I failed myself again. I just ate four pieces of Droste's dark chocolate when I just promised myself to not eat any kind of snacks after dinner. I was thinking it might help me to concentrate. Five minutes later, here I am, typing this post instead of doing something productive.

*Meanwhile, Olly Murs' songs are playing in the background. I knew him just yesterday. You may be thinking that I am living under the rock all this time to just find out about him. Yea, I also regret myself for not listening to his tracks sooner.*

Okay, so it's my second day in the Ophthalmology Department. I am going to join different groups of interns from this station onward. I thought it'd be awkward at first. But luckily, I've known most of the group members I am with now. So, it'll be fine. The department itself is nice, too. It doesn't seem so stressful (at least for now), most of the specialists look friendly, and the residents I've met are kind. I haven't really read a lot since it's just begun (I know, I know! I am supposed to study already), so I can't say much yet whether I am interested in it or not.

Talking about joining different groups of interns, it's one of the consequences I've to pay for my one-month leave to Groningen. The other one is that I have to postpone my national exam for some months and that basically means that my Hippocratic Oath will be deferred. It was not an easy choice back then.

**Mom skyped and I am not very good bad in multitasking, so if starting this point the post feels out of focus, please excuse me.**

It was last April, when one of the staffs in the international relation office texted me to meet her in the office. It was strange since two or three weeks before, I received an email that announced students who're chosen for exchange, and my name wasn't one of them. So, I just went to her as I was told to. Long story short, inside the office, she then offered me the internship in Groningen. I was speechless. Seriously? Groningen? For real?

One year before, in 2014, I applied for the same internship program and was lucky enough to be chosen. However, the period of the program was in the middle of my second last block in my pre-clinical year. So, I asked here and there about the possibility and the consequences. The result was: it wasn't possible to leave and I had to take the block next year. Sacrifice a year for a month? My heart sank. I remembered I tried really hard to hold my tears until I reached home that day. I then called Dad and Mom and we discussed it. In the end, I decided to leave the offer. Reluctantly. That time, I felt like the universe betrayed me, life was unfair, I was born unlucky and all. Why on earth couldn't I get the chance like everybody else? It took months to move on.

So, can you imagine how I felt when the same thing was offered to me again the next  year? Of course I wanted it so much. I went to the clinical rotation office several times to ask if it's possible. The Mbak was (and still) very friendly. She tried to arrange my schedule in several ways and gave me some options. First option was I get to finish on time but I'll have a very packed schedule without any holiday. I was thinking about taking this first option, but it came with a risk: no one could promise that my final mark for my last station can be collected on time, which means no one could guarantee I'll finish on time with this first option. The other option was simple: I just have to postpone my graduation for some months.

I tell you. I am quite inflexible when it comes to career. So, to postpone my graduation didn't really sound like a very good idea to me. But after considering some stuffs and discussed it with Dad and Mom (always), I decided to go with the second option. You know, before I went to Groningen, there was a time when I regretted my decision. It's because I did put my ex into one of my considerations.

However, now that I think of it, I feel stupid. How could I even feel regret because of that? It's like Groningen is the best thing that ever happened to me in my 22 years of life (No, I am not exaggerating). The ex wasn't really a priority reason anyway (And No, this is really not a denial). So.. I should feel grateful instead. Yes? Moreover, the more I think of it, the more I feel like the universe has planned it this way for me. It's like it somehow knew it all along about how everything will turn out and decided to give me the second chance.

#throwback!

As long as it's not the end of the world, situation are meant to change. No matter what you are going through won't last forever. It's just a matter of time - Blaze Olamiday.

Signing off,



Stevanie

Fijne Zondag

My last Sunday in Groningen. The sky's just started to turn bright and I think there won't be so much of the sun today. All the shops will be opened at 12 PM, so I don't have much to do in the morning. Breakfast was a cup of coffee, two slices of volkorenbrood with chocolate sprinkles, two lumpia, and a chocolate wafer. I've been eating so much without even think of controlling my calories intake. I admit it hasn't been a very healthy month, but it's only thirty days of guilty pleasure. Yes?

I went out with all of my housemates yesterday. We went to the Noordeplantsoen to take pictures with all those picturesque autumn leaves. Then we had some pies and gigantic spare ribs. It was a nice day..

Kak Cory - Kak Ika - Krystle - Selva - Stevanie - Ci Ren

I meet a lot of new friends here, both Dutch and Indonesians. I am grateful to know each of them. Everyone has their own ups-and-downs stories. Most of them somehow manage to do very great every time they face problems. I feel kinda ashamed because I am the type of person who can easily get broken and all crashed over simple things in life. Now that I've heard their experiences, I hope I can learn to become a better self. 

Two days ago, I went to Giethoorn. Giethoorn is a small village in the northeastern Dutch province of Overijssel. It takes only 90 minutes with train to reach there from Groningen. I never heard of the village until Dad told me about it a month before I came here. Daddy read it from his twitter feeds and he's very excited that time. It's like he's implicitly telling me that I have to go to that place. When I had some days left, he kept on asking me whether I'd go to Giethoorn or not and that upset me a little. But then, I chose to go there over Brussel because I think that'd make daddy happy. So, it wasn't totally my will to go there at first. 

The weather forecast told me that it'd be a shiny day on Friday, but it wasn't at all. It was cloudy and even drizzling that afternoon. I was very mad and disappointed, thinking what's the point of going there with that kind of weather. 

But I was wrong. 

Giethoorn was still amazing despite the gloomy weather. The village consists of cute little houses like those we see in the fairy tale. It has no big roads for cars, so the main transportation there is by foot or by boat. Walking around there gave me that serene feeling. I could see boats slowly passing by and could hear birds chirping. We were lucky because there're only few tourists that day. I heard it can be very crowded and busy during high-season. Well, long story short, thank you Daddy for recommending the place. Hehe.

Inside the bus from Steenwijk to Giethoorn. It's a pure candid by Kak Cory!

Kak Cory inside the boat during canal cruise

One of the houses in the village

It's amazing, isn't it?

By the way, talking about my last day. My flight is at 14.30 tomorrow. However, the Schipol airport is two hours away by train from Groningen. So, I need to leave quite early in the morning. I haven't packed my luggage up until this moment because I suppose I need to buy some more snacks/souvenirs. The problem is.. I came here with 27 kg of baggage and my allowance is only 30 kg. So tell me, how am I supposed to pack all my stuffs-from-home plus all the things I bought here? Well, let's see if I can figure it out in the end. I think it's a 'should', though.

  

Signing off,

Stevanie

Donderdag

Last second day in the hospital. I am freaking out. I am typing this while waiting for the others for the morning report. During this whole month, I've always been waking up at 5 AM, which is very early for people in here (since the sky just turns bright at around 8 AM). I bike to the hospital which takes around 20 - 30 minutes. I always wear at least three layers of clothing with my beanie and gloves because the weather is always around 6 - 8 degree Celcius in the morning. I complain about it to my friends and doctors almost every day. All they say is like, 'Nah, it's normal'. So, yea, I think it is just me.

Talking about the bike, a lot of thing happened in a month. First of all, I lost my bike on my FIFTH day in Groningen. I was all panicked. Who wouldn't? It was borrowed to me by a kind senior and it disappeared. I remembered I cried for like an hour or two. I asked some random men around the parking zone about to whom should I report if I lost my bike. And they just replied: 'If it's gone, it's gone.'

***It's 9 PM now. I just had kaasbroodje, rice cakes, and tuna salad for my supper. Yea. Sigh.

Where were we? Oh. The bike. Ok. So, I also told my intern friends that I'd be late that morning and asked them to tell the doctors about my situation. One respond I remembered the best is: 'Welcome to Groningen! That's the real Dutch experience!' Well.... I then concluded that I should just move on and find a new bike for myself.

Biking is the most favorite means of transportation in Groningen. You can see many bicycles parking here and there. There are bicycle lanes throughout the city with traffic lights especially for cyclists. That basically explains why losing bicycle is a very common thing. It's so ordinary that even if you report it to the police, they won't bother to help much.

Luckily enough, I could borrow a bicycle from another senior the next morning. I  ended up paying some cash to the first senior to make up for my carelessness. My story didn't end there. So the second thing is: Just a few days ago, my bike's front tire started to keep losing air. I pumped it back and forth but the same thing just happens again. So I walked all the way from home to the hospital which is 3 km away. I am just going to take the bus tomorrow!

This morning, I was in the outpatient clinic with a professor. I always love tagging along with him. It's like I've never met someone with such title who is very warm, kind, humble... alles goed!!! I am so glad to have a picture with him! It really made my day! My supervisor is also a really nice woman. I just feel grateful to meet everyone here.

Self-reminder: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Signing off, 

Stevanie.

Dinsdag

I deleted my previous blog because it had too many posts that were telling stuffs that are not happening anymore. It will take too much time if I choose to delete one by one. The title of this blog itself is inspired by a friend. I suppose he just randomly typed whatever that popped into his mind, but I think it's great for a blog title. So, welcome to The Complicated Peace.

I am typing this from one of the computers in Centrale Medische Bibliotheek.  So, I've been spending the whole October in Groningen and it's my last week in this town. It's scary how time flies. It feels like just yesterday I felt all excited because it's my first time coming to Europe. I was (and still) amazed by literally everything: to see all the European houses in every corner of the street, to smell all the breads baking from the bakeries, to hear Dutch people talking, to taste the Dutch typical foods, and to feel the fresh air. But it's coming to an end. I have this mixed up feeling of sadness and happiness. Sad because I am not sure if I'll ever get the chance to come back again, but happy on the other hand- because I can't stand the weather any longer. I am lucky enough though, for I come when it's Autumn. I can't imagine how cold it'll be in Winter. 

Other than some heartbreaking moments that happened some weeks ago, life's been treating me very well. How not? I got to learn many new things in Urology Department in UMCG- which is one of the best hospitals worldwide. I got to see many operations technique and interventions that I've never seen during my rotation in Indonesia. I met a lot of interns who are going through pretty much the same thing with me (I mean: the never ending medical school, the on-call shifts, and all. hehe).  And the best thing is that I got to know many professors and urologists that are very humble and kind. Well, so far, I believe this 'October' should be given a reward for being the best month of 2016.  But, who knows what will happen for the rest two months? 

The complicated peace. I think it's a good title because it describes the-current-me very perfectly. I am happy, but sometimes a few simple things annoy me and they can just ruin the whole day. For instance, when I was trying so freaking hard to move on, the ''On This Day'' section in Facebook suddenly showed some old pictures and bang!. I became all gloomy. But no worries, it's not happening anymore. For real! Haha. 

I visited Paris and Amsterdam for the last two weekends. It was amazing. I still have so many countries I want to go, but it's very sad that I only have so little time left! Let's just see how everything turns out in the end.

Signing off,

Stevanie.